by Jordan O’Shea
The girl I loved was a tornado. That seems to be the most accurate way to describe her. She was fascinating and dangerously beautiful, but she destroyed everything. I got addicted to finding out what was going on inside, I mean, have you ever seen inside a tornado? She sucked me in and ripped me apart. I suppose I was trying to be brave, not just hide under a table, you know?
The bravest things I’ve ever done were falling in love and not killing myself when she brokemy heart. The dumbest things I’ve ever done were falling in love and not killing myself when she broke my heart.
Five years of saving each other, enlightening and frightening one another, we were each other’s poems for Christ sake. You get what I mean? The more we loved each other the more addicted we got, and every time we destroyed each other we got just as addicted. She was my obsession and I was hers. Honestly though, I loved her more than I’ve loved anything.
I started to think I was like a cigarette to her you know? A habit. A taste. A God-damn beautiful addiction. Maybe she couldn’t love me. I don’t know. Was she incapable of love? Maybe she loved too much and we were all incapable of understanding it. It’s just she loved me so much in her own way, she couldn’t see that I loved her just as much in my own way.
The problem with tornadoes is no-one really understands them, and that kills me. I’ve got such a desperate need to do something special that I keep thinking that I’m the guy who is going to figure them out. Well. I can’t. Maybe no-one is supposed to. Maybe that’s why they’re beautiful.
They leave you devastated and stripped, completely broken, but by God do they look glorious doing it.
My girl’s a tornado and that’s okay, but that’s why I had to leave. There are parts of this world where you never see a damn tornado. I know it will be lonely getting there, but I have to go.
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Jordan O’Shea is a 23-year old author, musician, film director, and overall procrastinator. His first novella ‘Ezralake’ was published in 2014, and his poetry can be found in various publications. Jordan currently lives in Oxford and is a key figure in the arts collective ‘Bear on a Bicycle’ who are based there.
Cover artwork by Eugenia Loli